why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
