i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
