you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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