I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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