Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
