its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
