Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
