My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your dad touched me again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
