she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
