Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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