i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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