You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
