Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize