I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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