I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I yelled at your uterus for you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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