it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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