bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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