An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dicks are not precious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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