A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
