got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
