Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
