Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
