I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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