hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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