Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
