I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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