I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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