I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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