Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
