there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
