i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
