Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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