we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
