Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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