i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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