then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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