dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
