Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
