you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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