Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
