batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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