This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
