if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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