Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
