Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
