I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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