i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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