Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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