Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
