Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
