Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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