Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Holy shit dude........stairs
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