I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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