I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
