You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
