I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
