you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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