So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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