the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
