is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
