Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
