If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
