I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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